Lick.

I don’t know you
but I feel you
pervasively penetrating
my every thought.
Far flung
still holding me hung
deftly demonstrating
my weakest spot.

Covert. Concealed.
I don’t know what to do
but keep you, steady,
keep me keeping you
I taste you on my tongue
I would swallow this piquant poison
if not for my need
to lick your every word.

Internal Discourse

You love
tormenting me,
making me full
and leaving me empty again.
Shaking me up
so you have
someone to pacify.

You love
letting me latch.
I’m yours, securely attached
enough for you to see the terror in my eyes
when you cut the ties.

You love
being everything
and nothing
for anyone who’s got the time,
bathing in the suffering of the climb,
and aching on the nasty fall back down.

You love
The beautiful misery
and the pain that makes you feel alive.
But, when will you have bled enough
to finally get some rest?

Fearwell

The safest place
you’ll ever be
is all alone.
Without a trace
they can leave you
and make you never known.

The only way
to be freely me
is on my own.
The safest face
I’ll never see
will stay unknown.

The safest place
you’ll ever be
is all alone.

Open the door
and let them go.

Disposable.

I’ve spent nearly a decade
building a life
I never wanted.

It wasn’t until we could almost grasp it
that I found
it was never mine.

Will I be haunted –
haunted by this life
I created and disposed of
so unregretfully?

I hope so.
If I were him, I’d want to haunt me, too.

Stupid Again

It’s closing in.
You’ve waited too long
to let it out;
It’s flooding in.

Wearing thin
the sturdy shield
that held too much faith.
You knew – you knew
It could never keep you safe.

But you’re so damn sharp.
Such mastery of
predictive maintenance –
notation of cautionary flares –
proven fallacious.
You know it wears.

It’s closing in.
Stupid girl,
you closed it in again.

Nineteen & Six

It feels like I missed it
The curious little smiles
hands open, teary cheeks
Always busy, rushing aisles

How’d you become this
It seems all on your own
So bold, so brave, up and away
you have quickly flown

Your empathy, your whole.
You always do surprise.
Hearing your own bad news
But wiping Mommy’s eyes.

So fierce, so strong
Stoic little mess
Pierced by nature’s laws
I will proudly confess

I hope you need me forever.

Waiting Room

Stiff legged strangers
Trash TV
No eye contact, no dangers
Hey, they got here after me

Out of powdered creamer
coffee charred and weak
Why’d I even get any
This magazine – musty and bleak

What brought you here
It would be interesting to ask
But the rules are very clear
No talking, try to relax

Smells of metal, smells of –
oh, they called me.

Sunshine.

How can the sun shine so brightly
When so much darkness thrives?
Catapulted sickness engulfs, devours,
and suffocates such bright little lives.
Yet, the sun still fucking shines.

15

Paint my body
like the sky
Fractures of only
the littlest light
Submerge me
In blacks and blues –
successions of
threes and twos
& before me stand,
eyes pinned down,
Hand firm, still,
Sadistic, disappointed, frown.
Fill my soul, spaciously,
siphon the air from it’s
vacancy, and then.

Morning Alarm

Cold, Bitter, Mute
Why Me
Why Today

Unfair
Let me go back
To a lack of accountability
Too selfish
For control today

Wake up and smile
You foolish, foolish, child.
Get dressed and lose the entitlement
You have more than you’ll ever be able to see.

Guilt, Regret, Pain
Lead me through the day
With an eager heart, ready
To see, to feel, and step over the decay

Silence – let’s try again
Caffeinate & relish in the gift
that wasn’t earned, but given
with purpose.

Good Morning, bright smiles.
Swallowing sleep and moving onward
Shove it down, greet the festering
Tomorrow.

Good Morning.