Rosy Pink Streamers
flowing from your fingertips Tracing Blemishes of Today kissing them goodnight.
Stricken & Angry Body Bags
hanging from your weary arms Holding Them Low & Mercilessly bidding them goodnight.
Soft & Sweet Sunrises
timidly coaxing innocents Placing Them With Pretense agreeably masking all the stifled.
Painstaking Choices of Tungsten
boxed in souls that are bare Created Only For Another all that’s righteous must too be fair.
Exorbitant, Expired, Shuffled Dirt
for causes both definite and dignified Doing Them In How You See Fit god Forbid your name be vilified
I am not Still Still Still Think about it a minute.
Just Lost. Picked up again and again Still Still Still Searching for a home between bed sheets and slips of tongue.
I see her Still Still Still Lost in a moment of seeing herself. Not to judge, but to be.
I’m so sorry. You never had the chance to be Still Still Still. No one taught you anything although I think you knew better.
A woman’s mind Embodied by a child Rocking Rocking Rocking Pleading for comfort Pressurizing the mind into regression.
Lost inside herself I can’t be you Still Still Still Come out and say the words Before my mind progresses again.
I see you I know you as no one ever will Stay still still still. I’ll give you every word you’ll never need.
Child – Young Girl – Child
Even when you’re gone, Stay still inside. You will love you. You will not stay still. Your will, will, will Better keep you from woman – child – woman.
I love you the most.
the shape of it relieves. Acutely stretching the arm it retrieves.
is all I gave you; It’s all you needed to feel me and take me, too.
Twenty Degrees –
Ligaments and all. You took so much, yet, I doubt you recall.
opposing your obtuse reach. Answering my cue for more, no, never a need to beseech.
I wish we were talking weather, and that I could look you in the eyes to say it’s been unseasonable, as I gouge the lifeless shits out of your empty fucking skull.
I’ve got it all
right underneath my fingernails. I can see it – feel it. Everything in and around it all pales to the grime that will soon wash away.
It will all go,
but, it’s nice to see the other side. Colliding lives once again Maybe one day you’ll see I tried to do anything at all other than, well, try.
I won’t say I’m a shell;
I’m quite the opposite, really. Transparent as far as I have chosen Until vision reaches the stagnant cramp that is me.
Back to the grime underneath my fingernails.
I think I’ll keep it there.
I dream of drowning
But not by choice Circumstances surrounding Me, taking my voice
Don’t blame me for not trying
Anymore. You didn’t see it.
I never once gave up
Beyond myself I chose internal hemorrhaging Up to transfusion, to start it all again.
For all of you.
You’d never leave me to die. I’m not sure who’s more selfish, or which I’d rather you: Relent or rely on me, you can’t pick both.
Take me with you.
Feel my darkness. Listen to the organ repertoire and the nothingness in between the keys.
Take me with you.
Feel the cold wind violating your cheeks. This feeling is forever with me by your side.
Take me with you.
Decide if I’m worth losing your precious breath. Mine? It’s already been taken. Feel what it’s like to live breathlessly…
but you – you won’t be alone.
Take me with you.
Let me rest from the current that’s pulled me to, from, to exhaustion.
I’m not dead yet.
Don’t waste it.
It’s here, right now. Don’t waste it.
Don’t you fucking waste this.
You always do. The hours – minutes – few; simply, quickly, don’t think, just do. Don’t you fucking waste this.
Don’t try and create this.
It’s already here, made for you. This is what you wanted. This is what you wanted, it’s already here, just for you.
Enjoy it alone.
He left you. Enjoy it alone. He left you. Enjoy it, you’ve grown; you should know by now it’s only you.
Tomorrow feels warm
but, I thought that yesterday. All of nothing, in full form All that I am anyway. Fuck.
waste your time – pretend it’s mine. At least you still make tomorrow feel warm.
You could dare
and warm up today fuck, man. All of your nothing in your nothing way All that I am anyway; Fuck.
come dance with me awhile. Don’t you dare stand idly by – we have falsity to defile.
lacerate today’s clothing and dissipate today’s debris. Get this shit off of me.
Wake me and make me whole again. Extract the whites from my eyes. Let the murk permeate within.
Shatter me into glass-like fragments sharp, shapely, new. Fill me with you.
All things good are fleeting. These things, I tell myself, are toxic thoughts; but, they have proven true again and again.
I have learned that to be good to yourself, you must:
– Trust less. – Learn to restrain hope and expectations. – Understand that endorphin release comes from many places; utilize the ones you can control yourself and be weary of the events controlled by others. – Recognize that riding the spiral will erase all progress. – Rely on yourself above all others. – Know that fear is your friend – pain is growth. – Have a back-up plan, always. – Know your exits along with your limits. – Stop giving yourself away – to anyone.
I want to be the one who leaves. But I would not be me without empathy – without unconditional, whole-hearted love for other beings.
I don’t want to be me. I don’t want to love.