Don’t Waste This.

Don’t waste it.
It’s here, right now.
Don’t waste it.

Don’t you fucking waste this.
You always do.
The hours – minutes – few;
simply, quickly, don’t think, just do.
Don’t you fucking waste this.

Don’t try and create this.
It’s already here, made for you.
This is what you wanted.
This is what you wanted,
it’s already here, just for you.

Enjoy it alone.
He left you.
Enjoy it alone.
He left you.
Enjoy it, you’ve grown;
you should know by now
it’s only you.

Fuck.

Tomorrow feels warm
but, I thought that yesterday.
All of nothing, in full form
All that I am anyway.
Fuck.

Go ahead;
waste your time –
pretend it’s mine.
At least you still make tomorrow feel warm.

You could dare
and warm up today
fuck, man.
All of your nothing in your nothing way
All that I am anyway;
Fuck.

Darkness Inside

Darkness inside,
come dance with me awhile.
Don’t you dare stand idly by –
we have falsity to defile.

Darkness inside,
lacerate today’s clothing
and dissipate today’s debris.
Get this shit off of me.

Darkness inside,
Wake me and make me whole again.
Extract the whites from my eyes.
Let the murk permeate within.

Darkness inside,
Shatter me into glass-like fragments
sharp, shapely, new.
Fill me with you.

Everyone Leaves & All Things Good are Fleeting – Journal Entry

Everyone leaves.
All things good are fleeting.
These things, I tell myself, are toxic thoughts; but, they have proven true again and again.

I have learned that to be good to yourself, you must:
– Trust less.
– Learn to restrain hope and expectations.
– Understand that endorphin release comes from many places; utilize the ones you can control yourself and be weary of the events controlled by others.
– Recognize that riding the spiral will erase all progress.
– Rely on yourself above all others.
– Know that fear is your friend – pain is growth.
– Have a back-up plan, always.
– Know your exits along with your limits.
– Stop giving yourself away – to anyone.

I want to be the one who leaves. But I would not be me without empathy – without unconditional, whole-hearted love for other beings.
I don’t want to be me.
I don’t want to love.

Wash

Come forth, wash away.
Recede; good riddance.
Come forth, take away
my essence – whole –
Good riddance.

Break and then swallow,
suspend; inundate.
Stalk, follow,
Swallow me – flood.

Piercing, glacial.
Buoyed to a tepid relief.
Dismantled back, a spatial abyss
confining me here,
Swashing,
refining stoic fear.
Frigid, bitter, sheer.
Wash me; clear.

Captivating Is

Captivating is
the time that passes
leaving you lost, unwhole.

Captivating is
the pain that engulfs you
from words alone.

Captivating are
the eyes of the mourning
gasping for every piece left of the lost.

Captivating is
the brokenness of a soul
put back together – or not.

Captivating is
listening to the world around you
and realizing
everything means nothing, but nothing, is.